Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Sam's Personals Ad

Looking for Instant Teething Relief

Inconsolable BHBB (Big Handsome Baby Boy) ISO (In Search Of) someone DTE (Down to Earth) with a GSOH (Good Sense of Humor) who will provide some serious TLC (Tender Loving Care).

Hi, My name is Sam, I'm 7 1/2 months old and I'm the apple of my very tired Mommy's eye. I love music, dancing, sunsets and long walks in the park. My best feature is my massive leg rolls. I'm a big time drooler, not the best listener and not at all patient.

I know what I'm looking for and what I need, and I need it ASAP (As Soon As Possible). I'm not looking for a LTR (Long Term Relationship), but rather instant teething relief.

I'm ISO (In Search Of) someone, M (Male) or F (Female), who will provide me with some instant gum relief (be it through endless gum massaging or medication). Patience is imperative. This person must hold me and rock me incessantly; putting me down is not EVER an option. Someone who can rub and scratch my head and back is strongly preferred. This person must also not be in the least affected by constant noise ~ non-stop whining and crying (with or without tears) is definitely a guarantee. In addition, this person must not have any semblance of a life; access to books, magazines, cell phones and computers is strictly forbidden. It MUST be all about me; rocking me, soothing me, scratching me, rubbing me, playing with me, holding me, feeding me, talking to me.

Finally, this person must also meet all of the following requirements:
ND, N/D - Non-Drinker / No Drugs (Hey, if I'm not happy then why should you be?)
N/K - No Kids (ALL attention on me ALL the time!)
NS - Non-Smoker (Right! Like you'll have a free hand to hold your ciggy with. lol)
NSA - No Strings Attached (Because as soon as I'm feeling better my Mommy will step right back in.)

Due to my Mommy's current catatonic state, I will be conducting all interviews. So, if you think you're the the right match for me, then I WLTM (Would Love to Meet).

TYVM (Thank You Very Much)


Jessica said...

I'm out. sorry I don't qualify, the ONLY qualification I have is NS, but the ad says I would have to meet ALL qualificacions. Job not for me. I can send some TLC (Tender Loving Care) and I also can send, which has been VERY useful for me, over night shipping EPFM (Extreme Patience For Mom). And for no extra charge I'll send ALOK (A lot of Kisses) for BS (Baby Sam)!!!! Let me know if your interested!!!

Liz Butler said...

Girl, send it! We'll take whatever we can get,.. lol